http://chanelsy.blogspot.com/ :D MEMORIES <#3

♥ Thursday, January 03, 2008

So fast 2008 liao, counting down 5days to my 23rd birthday and also the year I finish my study to go out look for a full time job. Time is running very fast, how I wish I am able to go back kid at the age of 1 till 12 bah. Because my life changed after the year 1997, when I just 12 year old kid, and is I 1st time face my mum death. That time I am still very young don’t know how sad is it w/o her around because I since young was taking care by ah ma therefore once a week see her do not make me feel very sad. But when I got older, I start to wish I had her around to teach me stuff. When I finish my PSLE none can give me a idea what school to choose, when I din do well for study my mum will worry and help me find tuition teacher, when I wanted to go other friends place to stay over night or going other couture she will help me lie to ah ma so ah ma would not worry for me. Now I really miss her from the bottom of my heart, my memory of her is very short till I can’t recall now. She a lovely wife, always see her listen to my dad when he asked her to do stuff, she don’t any how spent money due to my dad wanted us to save the money. She care about my study, worry for my homework but she also like bring me go out if she is well. Remember the place from the old photos some I may not recall any more but we went to a lot palaces, I can remember she bring me to her office, shopping mall, bring me go eat, when she scold me, when she ask me study yet I read the book till fall a sleep at home, when new year she took my red packet w/o telling me a reason I cried like hell. As my dad care more about praying therefore when my mum unwell he only let her stay at home alone if I am around will stay at home accompany her. I know noting about their love story most are hear from my ah ma, as I not close with dad and mum so we dun share prob. so most sad thing happen when I was enjoying myself, I was 12 that year still a young and cheerful girl who love to play going out. Therefore that year that this cramping event that the prayer side held, I was happily going with the help of my mum cover me from mine ah ma saying that I went home accompany them 3days then will come home. I had a lot of fun with my age of people, that the only week I din go back to eunos that house due to the cramping and that the last help she given me. Because just the day I back to ah ma house from cramp she called to check did I back home safe, but she was unwell due to asthma. I hear liao of cause will worry did ask her for her hospital room so that I am able to go there take a look at her, going to hospital and stay there mean her asthma is bad. But that time I still so young never think so much, when she say don’t want me know her room as she scare I will go tell ah ma and let her worry. Of cause I never think so much seem she in hospital should b sound and safe therefore I din really asked her again to tell me, I even happily ask her that next week can if go to my cousin house to stay over night and she agree. We end the talk and that the last talk between us that I will never forget till now, I can forget about what happen in my primary school life but I will never forget the last call I get from my mum. After that just the next days, my dad came and inform us about my mum went coma in the hospital. I was surprise as she was still sound aright calling me to talk over the phone yesterday but how come every thing change over one night. That time I still young only hear that they say she due to at night went restroom but asthma attack and faint in the toilet till the nurse found her, there lag of oxygen in her brain that cause her to be coma. That kind of age, u understands what does a coma mean? I dun really understand, was thinking dun need worry so much she will wake up one day, every day accompany ah ma go c her talk to her after weeks over I start getting worry. Telling her I dun need a computer any more I dun need going out play I will try study hard but what i say she dun seem hear it for a month, she event went for a operation due to she cant breath with her nose. Open a hole in her huo long just to let her breath to keep her live going on. Still she cant take it on 26+ June early morning she give up her life, my dad went to school pick me up to go see her, my very 1st time staying in the hospital cold room to wait for in charge setting the death to bring her body for clear up and putting on make up for her. I was still very young therefore a lot of stuff is my dad in charge to do, I only staying there to look after the place. The very 1st time I touch my mum hand that feeling so cold and hard. I remember it till now, till now I dare not touch my dad and ah ma cold hand as it makes me feel I really lose them.

7 year pass with all the sadness gone, time really can heal the feeling some more is just a kid memory. Therefore I would not any time think of my mum and feeling sad. I live happily with all my friend around, still the same old me dun like staying at home, love going out late making my dad and ah ma worry some time. They scare I learn bad thing, thought that time I love play a lot, going out but yet I never get to learn a single bad thing like smoking, drink or fighting. But my study bad my dad know, he din aim high of me or ask me to study till how good. He only hope I can be a good girl, study good enough so that go out able find a good job, dun been like he or my mum working from day till night. I not a clever girl, study to me is not an easy job too but I try my best. I fail my sec 3 due to English and not enough subjects for me to go up sec 4. My dad sad for my result but he din scold me. Therefore the next year I did pass, of cause not pass English but I get 4 subject pass that are able to pull me up to sec for. And my English giving me problem again, passed 4 subject with enough point to go sec 5 just due to English I will have to retake my sec 4. My mum not around, all the study I been learning on my own, a lot people will say they also what some parent they also did not student much they cant teach their child too. I only can say I am stupid bah, therefore I go choose going to ITE. At 1st very scare not due to I did badly for my study will get scold from my dad, but is going to ITE what kind of friend can I mix with? My secondary school most are ah bang and ah lian, I dun like mix with this kind of people unwell some are really kind, but just due to they used to that kind of life but they treat people very nice. When I in sec 3 got this girl mei zheng she is one of an example, but till now so far I din got to see this kind of person any more. Or maybe I have closed my heart, because I also find I getting harder to mix around with people. Lucky that time shireen which from NT class she also going to ITE, I cant recall how did I know her, maybe due to morning we always sitting in font then we start to talk and be friend bah. So that time she the only one going to the same ITE with me, as for my other friend mostly going up to sec 5 or going to student poly. I am all alone, feeling down but life still need to go on, my ah ma don’t know about study she think the longer you study the beta is it as for my dad is he leave it to I choose what I wan. So in school life I am happy that I can always get 1-2 close friend in it, like primary I got pei wen now we no longer that close but she still my friend lah when we free will still met up. Sec I got even more like hui jun, shireen, xu xia but also due to diff reason now I cant say close the left jun. as for ITE i get to met yue he and aiyun, till poly is pei xia bah. In ITE I not so close with her as she got friend there and she eat vegetarian, therefore we do not mix that much, but till poly we happen to be the same class, and really thank for her help when I facing my family problem but she helped me with the note need when I did not go school. Thought she till now still not my close friend but she is always a friend that I never forget. Today talk a lot of my whole life liao, was wanted to talk about my dad and ah ma but just now when i write my mum my tear is keep coming out of my eyes. So I not going write it out today, when i feel like to share will write bah. So u wants to know why I am sure a busy girl, working till no day no night wait for my update bah. And to all my friend thx for all your care and concern, maybe some time I am asking for too much. I just feeling lonely, u all always have a family member at home waiting to ask for your need but me if I dun tell people my problem no body will know about it. So a bit of your words and your way of action can make up a diff day of mine, I try to be more open minded to share friend, stuff then trying to keep it to my own. Hope you all can understand been alone is not easy.

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1/03/2008 01:14:00 PM